Hello! Super-Adjunct here. I’ve recovered (mostly) from my rodeo clown accident. I can even type a little using both hands now, but I am swamped big time. I took on 43 online classes for this semester and 2 regular ones. So for this month’s blog, I’ve invited Dale Monroe, a student here at Goose-EGG University to be my guest-blogger. Take it away, Dale!
TOP 10 REASONS WHY I *a REAL Student* PREFER MY ADJUNCT PROFS 2 MY TENURED ONES
by Dale Monroe
(Student + Guest-Blogger, Filling in 4 Super-Adjunct)
Chillin’ w/ Some Stone-Cold Ones: Me, My Buds + Our Super-Cool, Super-Rad Teacher, Prof. SUPER-Adjunct!
Friends, Romans + Comrades! Lend me yur ears! The blog hath beguneth—or whatevs. The topic forsooth—The Top 10 Reasons Y My Adjunct Profs R Way More Cool Than My Tenured Profs—commenceth:
10: Adjunct-Profs R More Chill
1st my prof, Super-Adjunct, let me take an Incomplete last spring. Then he’s letting me make up 4 or 5 assignments, 1 major research paper and 2 major tests by writing this 1 little blog. If that’s not CHA-ill *capital C* I don’t know wat is. My Tenured Profs (hereafter 2 b referred 2 as TPs : ) ) would never go 4 that. I know cuz I begged all of them last spring. A guy’s dog dies + his girlfriend starts goin out w/his now EX-bestfriend AND his car’s tranny falls out on Hwy 412 AND he has no way 2 get 2 work, not 2 mention class, but walk miles and miles and miles AND that’s freakin’ exhausting AND no one cares esp. that guy’s TPs—whose salaries I should mention I pay 4 via my tuition vis-à-vis my dad’s Visa Card! Again, NADA de los TPs would even consider giving me an “I”. But my 2 Adjunct Profs (which I’ll abbreviate 2 APs *as in they all deserve As*) said, “Sure, Dale. No problem.” Now *That’s*, again, Hugely CHILL!
9: APs Like 2 Party
Last spring when I realized I wasn’t keeping up w/my classes + even b4 the *Nightmare* began, I—I’ll admit, as a sorta suckup—invited all my profs over 4 a bbq/potluck that my now EX-bestfriend, Brian, + I were having. I made sure 2 note the main event wasn’t beer, but food. But did any of my TPs show? Nada. Did any of my APs show? Well, only 1 (see photo above). Prof. Super-Adjunct wuz happy 2 be there as his *old bag* (Shirl or Cheryl I think), had had a freak out session earlier that night, + Super-A was countin’ on eatin’ w/her + was really starvin’. Super-A ended up stayin that night on our couch b/c of the cold snap + him bein’ in the haus o’ dog w/his girl. Super-A, turns out, usually sleeps in his truck cuz APs don’t get paid enuf 2 have real homes, which relates to my next pt./reason.
8: APs Have More Connections 2 My Life
Like most stus I know, APs r poor. In fact, poorer. Sleepin’ in yur truck w/only 1 change of clothes, that’s sick-poor. (ATTN PROF-BOSSES: APs DESERVE MORE $$$$$!!!!) Beyond the poverty-thing, I can relate 2 a lot more of the APs b/c some r close 2 my age, being grad stus who teach. Like this guy, Bruce, a grad stu who taught my freshman Eng 101 class. I learned a lot about the whole AP plight (i.e., the poverty-thing) from Bruce. But I related 2 Bruce in other ways 2, like how he made these little jokes + sometimes went off on tangents about his partying days, which he once tried to connect to these trippy stories by Raymond Carver (which, I’m sorry, still made *ZERO* sense). Anyways, 1 day Bruce snapped at this stoner-girl cuz she wuz listening to her ipod during class. Bruce dropped the f-bomb on her not once but 3 TIMES! We were all like stunned 2 silence. Then Bruce said he wuz tense that day as he’d *also* forgotten *his* “pre-class bong hit,” which killed the tension + bagged us all up proper, except for the stoner-girl, who was cryin these mad tears. My pt is APs r like *REAL* people, who rn’t so old they can’t remember what itz like 2 b a mixed-up, smokin’-tokin’, alcohol-crazed undergrad. Which is the EXACT OPPOSITE of the Ivory-Soap-Box-Tower TPs, who could care less if a guy’s dog died, his gfriend dumped him, etcet, which leads me 2 my next pt.
7: APs R There + Care—So There! (*Poet Alert* : ) )
TPs r all about office hours + scheduled appts, due dates, etcet. U can’t get an extension 2 save yur life, let alone yur GPA. But APs, they’ve got unscheduled time 2 burn b/c *puts on Sherlock Holmes hat* I’ve deducted they don’t have other things pulling at them—i.e., *real* lives, i.e., families, commitments, etcet. Y iz that? Itz like Elementary School, Watson. APs can’t afford 2 have real lives! So they can be there 4 u. (This could b a reason not 2 give APs more $, but that’s not my pt. Pt.: APs Rock!!)
6: APs R More HOT
Carly was this grad stu chik, who taught Math 116. And HOT as a Habañero from Hades. OMG! Anyways, Brian, my now EX-bestfriend, found out Carly was from the same NYC hood as him + got Carly going, swapping stories about the homeland. Carly might’ve let the whole class slide by w/tangents, but this one nerdy girl, who thought she’d been kidnapped from Harvard, started complainin’. “Ms. Parkins, we really do need 2 get back 2 trig.” Carly, u could tell, liked Brian after that. + that weasel—Brian not Carly—went ahead w/out tellin’ me, his oncebestbud, he’d hooked up w/Carly until he’d not been 2 class 4 ages + wuz like “I’ll still get an A cuz . . .” Cuz, Brian said, meant he’d blackmailed Carly while the rest of us worked our butts off 2 get Cs + Bs. Last June at the Sherwood-Forest kegger I told Brian he wuz a Sexploitator. Stupid drunk, he sez, “I’m not any kind of potater.” I hauled off + slugged him in the face + he ran off all upset, jumped in2 his *prized* AMC Jeep (which 4 the record iz *a piece of crap*) + sped off + got a DUI, which he blamed on me—as if I put the keys in his hand + turned the ignition. What an IDIOT!!!! A few months later, Brian tells me *he never hooked up w/Carly*. Sez he invented the whole story b/c he wuz embarrassed. Sez he failed the midterm + had begged Carly 2 give him a break, but she wouldn’t “on principle.” He said he’d lied b/c she did seem 2 like him, + saying he hooked up w/her would make me drool w/jealousy. Which it did b/c Carly’s H-H-HOT! I forgave him, which wuz really stupid considering how he really did hook up w/Stace later on. But I’ve started 2 digress. PT: there’s not 1 TP who I’d even have a *thought* about, let alone consider macking w/, but Carly OMG!!!! Again: APs R More Hot!
5 : TPs Rn’t Afraid of Being Fired
Throwin’ down $ & showin up 2 class a few times should b at least worth a C. But TPs will fail u in a heartbeat b/c they’re not afraid of losing their jobs. I’ve pulled the I’m-going-2-file-a-complaint-w/-the-Dean-2-get-u-fired Trump Card on a mess o’ my TPs + not 1 blinked. But then I tried the old Trump C on Prof. Balloon-Nose, an AP who didn’t like my writing style. But History’s *BORING*. I thought B-Nose might enjoy a lil sci-fi, untold stories of aliens storming the beaches of Berlin or wherever. Anyways, I gave B-Nose the Trump, + he deflated like a Macy’s Day blimp the day after Thanksgiving! Note: Not all APs will cave. I know this 4 a fact. But my success w/B-Nose iz proof some APs R afraid of losing their jobs—which *Bizarre But True* they only get 2 keep 4 a semester or so, then they have 2 reapply. Pt: APs will *sometimes* treat u right cuz they live in fear!
Reasons 4 thru 1: Did I Mention APs R More Chill?!
I’m kinda runnin’ out of steam here. But FACT: APs R more chill. The AP who taught my ENG 102, would sit + work w/this 1 kid after class—4 hrs! I’d seen this kid’s papers at peer edits + they SUCKED! Can you say, illiterate? But our AP would sit w/him after class + go over his “essays” sentence by sentence. (I know cuz I had 2 go back + get a book 1 time + saw them + then there wuz another time I had 2 ask a question.) I asked my prof later why she’d take all this extra time 2 help this guy who couldn’t write a grocery list let alone an essay, + this AP sez, “Dale, he wants 2 learn. He’s trying.” I pointed out that she was an AP + not making any $, etcet. + she said, “$’s not the point, Dale. I love 2 teach. *That’s* why I’m here.”
I can’t really figure that out. I’m goin’ in2 corporate law. But whatevs. Here’s 2 all the awesome (if insane), heroic teachin’ cuz they love 2 APs—esp. my All-Time Fave, SUPER-ADJUNCT!!!
Posted August 28, 2009, 10:11 AM, by Dale Monroe, dale56745@gooseeggu.us.com.org.net)
Comments:
Posted August 29, 2009, 8:27 PM:
Super-Adjunct, Dude! I got yur emails + calls. Didn’t know how 2 get back 2 u as ur livin’ like Little Truck On the Prairie or whatevs. I totally get yur concern. I probably should’ve got the ok from u b4 posting that pic + the comment about Cheryl. I’ve been tryin hard 2 get the pic off + change the content, but like u yurslf mentioned this blog program u use iz way tricky. So no luck yet. I’m gonna get this prohacker pal o mine 2 take a look. But in the meantime, I’ll paste in the disclaimer u wanted.
*THE ABOVE BLOG IZ 4 ENTERTAINMENT PURPOSES ONLY!!!*
So will this still make up my Incomplete? And wat grade r u giving me?
—Dale Monroe, dale56745@gooseeggu.us.com.org.net)
