There are those adjuncts who just always seem to land on their feet (or better yet, with the exact number of courses they want always at the prime hours of the day). Brian is one of them, and shows how the adjunct life can be lived large.
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11 May 2010 / teaching
Tags: Matthew Henry Hall, Super Adjunct, teaching
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02 Apr 2010 / teaching
There are those adjuncts who just always seem to land on their feet (or better yet, with the exact number of courses they want always at the prime hours of the day). Brian is one of them.
Tags: Matthew Henry Hall, Super Adjunct
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21 Oct 2009 / adjunct recognition, teaching
Hello! Super-Adjunct here. I’ve recovered (mostly) from my rodeo clown accident. I can even type a little using both hands now, but I am swamped big time. I took on 43 online classes for this semester and 2 regular ones. So for this month’s blog, I’ve invited Dale Monroe, a student here at Goose-EGG University to be my guest-blogger. Take it away, Dale!
TOP 10 REASONS WHY I *a REAL Student* PREFER MY ADJUNCT PROFS 2 MY TENURED ONES
by Dale Monroe
(Student + Guest-Blogger, Filling in 4 Super-Adjunct)
Chillin’ w/ Some Stone-Cold Ones: Me, My Buds + Our Super-Cool, Super-Rad Teacher, Prof. SUPER-Adjunct!
Friends, Romans + Comrades! Lend me yur ears! The blog hath beguneth—or whatevs. The topic forsooth—The Top 10 Reasons Y My Adjunct Profs R Way More Cool Than My Tenured Profs—commenceth:
10: Adjunct-Profs R More Chill
1st my prof, Super-Adjunct, let me take an Incomplete last spring. Then he’s letting me make up 4 or 5 assignments, 1 major research paper and 2 major tests by writing this 1 little blog. If that’s not CHA-ill *capital C* I don’t know wat is. My Tenured Profs (hereafter 2 b referred 2 as TPs : ) ) would never go 4 that. I know cuz I begged all of them last spring. A guy’s dog dies + his girlfriend starts goin out w/his now EX-bestfriend AND his car’s tranny falls out on Hwy 412 AND he has no way 2 get 2 work, not 2 mention class, but walk miles and miles and miles AND that’s freakin’ exhausting AND no one cares esp. that guy’s TPs—whose salaries I should mention I pay 4 via my tuition vis-à-vis my dad’s Visa Card! Again, NADA de los TPs would even consider giving me an “I”. But my 2 Adjunct Profs (which I’ll abbreviate 2 APs *as in they all deserve As*) said, “Sure, Dale. No problem.” Now *That’s*, again, Hugely CHILL!
9: APs Like 2 Party
Last spring when I realized I wasn’t keeping up w/my classes + even b4 the *Nightmare* began, I—I’ll admit, as a sorta suckup—invited all my profs over 4 a bbq/potluck that my now EX-bestfriend, Brian, + I were having. I made sure 2 note the main event wasn’t beer, but food. But did any of my TPs show? Nada. Did any of my APs show? Well, only 1 (see photo above). Prof. Super-Adjunct wuz happy 2 be there as his *old bag* (Shirl or Cheryl I think), had had a freak out session earlier that night, + Super-A was countin’ on eatin’ w/her + was really starvin’. Super-A ended up stayin that night on our couch b/c of the cold snap + him bein’ in the haus o’ dog w/his girl. Super-A, turns out, usually sleeps in his truck cuz APs don’t get paid enuf 2 have real homes, which relates to my next pt./reason.
8: APs Have More Connections 2 My Life
Like most stus I know, APs r poor. In fact, poorer. Sleepin’ in yur truck w/only 1 change of clothes, that’s sick-poor. (ATTN PROF-BOSSES: APs DESERVE MORE $$$$$!!!!) Beyond the poverty-thing, I can relate 2 a lot more of the APs b/c some r close 2 my age, being grad stus who teach. Like this guy, Bruce, a grad stu who taught my freshman Eng 101 class. I learned a lot about the whole AP plight (i.e., the poverty-thing) from Bruce. But I related 2 Bruce in other ways 2, like how he made these little jokes + sometimes went off on tangents about his partying days, which he once tried to connect to these trippy stories by Raymond Carver (which, I’m sorry, still made *ZERO* sense). Anyways, 1 day Bruce snapped at this stoner-girl cuz she wuz listening to her ipod during class. Bruce dropped the f-bomb on her not once but 3 TIMES! We were all like stunned 2 silence. Then Bruce said he wuz tense that day as he’d *also* forgotten *his* “pre-class bong hit,” which killed the tension + bagged us all up proper, except for the stoner-girl, who was cryin these mad tears. My pt is APs r like *REAL* people, who rn’t so old they can’t remember what itz like 2 b a mixed-up, smokin’-tokin’, alcohol-crazed undergrad. Which is the EXACT OPPOSITE of the Ivory-Soap-Box-Tower TPs, who could care less if a guy’s dog died, his gfriend dumped him, etcet, which leads me 2 my next pt.
7: APs R There + Care—So There! (*Poet Alert* : ) )
TPs r all about office hours + scheduled appts, due dates, etcet. U can’t get an extension 2 save yur life, let alone yur GPA. But APs, they’ve got unscheduled time 2 burn b/c *puts on Sherlock Holmes hat* I’ve deducted they don’t have other things pulling at them—i.e., *real* lives, i.e., families, commitments, etcet. Y iz that? Itz like Elementary School, Watson. APs can’t afford 2 have real lives! So they can be there 4 u. (This could b a reason not 2 give APs more $, but that’s not my pt. Pt.: APs Rock!!)
6: APs R More HOT
Carly was this grad stu chik, who taught Math 116. And HOT as a Habañero from Hades. OMG! Anyways, Brian, my now EX-bestfriend, found out Carly was from the same NYC hood as him + got Carly going, swapping stories about the homeland. Carly might’ve let the whole class slide by w/tangents, but this one nerdy girl, who thought she’d been kidnapped from Harvard, started complainin’. “Ms. Parkins, we really do need 2 get back 2 trig.” Carly, u could tell, liked Brian after that. + that weasel—Brian not Carly—went ahead w/out tellin’ me, his oncebestbud, he’d hooked up w/Carly until he’d not been 2 class 4 ages + wuz like “I’ll still get an A cuz . . .” Cuz, Brian said, meant he’d blackmailed Carly while the rest of us worked our butts off 2 get Cs + Bs. Last June at the Sherwood-Forest kegger I told Brian he wuz a Sexploitator. Stupid drunk, he sez, “I’m not any kind of potater.” I hauled off + slugged him in the face + he ran off all upset, jumped in2 his *prized* AMC Jeep (which 4 the record iz *a piece of crap*) + sped off + got a DUI, which he blamed on me—as if I put the keys in his hand + turned the ignition. What an IDIOT!!!! A few months later, Brian tells me *he never hooked up w/Carly*. Sez he invented the whole story b/c he wuz embarrassed. Sez he failed the midterm + had begged Carly 2 give him a break, but she wouldn’t “on principle.” He said he’d lied b/c she did seem 2 like him, + saying he hooked up w/her would make me drool w/jealousy. Which it did b/c Carly’s H-H-HOT! I forgave him, which wuz really stupid considering how he really did hook up w/Stace later on. But I’ve started 2 digress. PT: there’s not 1 TP who I’d even have a *thought* about, let alone consider macking w/, but Carly OMG!!!! Again: APs R More Hot!
5 : TPs Rn’t Afraid of Being Fired
Throwin’ down $ & showin up 2 class a few times should b at least worth a C. But TPs will fail u in a heartbeat b/c they’re not afraid of losing their jobs. I’ve pulled the I’m-going-2-file-a-complaint-w/-the-Dean-2-get-u-fired Trump Card on a mess o’ my TPs + not 1 blinked. But then I tried the old Trump C on Prof. Balloon-Nose, an AP who didn’t like my writing style. But History’s *BORING*. I thought B-Nose might enjoy a lil sci-fi, untold stories of aliens storming the beaches of Berlin or wherever. Anyways, I gave B-Nose the Trump, + he deflated like a Macy’s Day blimp the day after Thanksgiving! Note: Not all APs will cave. I know this 4 a fact. But my success w/B-Nose iz proof some APs R afraid of losing their jobs—which *Bizarre But True* they only get 2 keep 4 a semester or so, then they have 2 reapply. Pt: APs will *sometimes* treat u right cuz they live in fear!
Reasons 4 thru 1: Did I Mention APs R More Chill?!
I’m kinda runnin’ out of steam here. But FACT: APs R more chill. The AP who taught my ENG 102, would sit + work w/this 1 kid after class—4 hrs! I’d seen this kid’s papers at peer edits + they SUCKED! Can you say, illiterate? But our AP would sit w/him after class + go over his “essays” sentence by sentence. (I know cuz I had 2 go back + get a book 1 time + saw them + then there wuz another time I had 2 ask a question.) I asked my prof later why she’d take all this extra time 2 help this guy who couldn’t write a grocery list let alone an essay, + this AP sez, “Dale, he wants 2 learn. He’s trying.” I pointed out that she was an AP + not making any $, etcet. + she said, “$’s not the point, Dale. I love 2 teach. *That’s* why I’m here.”
I can’t really figure that out. I’m goin’ in2 corporate law. But whatevs. Here’s 2 all the awesome (if insane), heroic teachin’ cuz they love 2 APs—esp. my All-Time Fave, SUPER-ADJUNCT!!!
Posted August 28, 2009, 10:11 AM, by Dale Monroe, dale56745@gooseeggu.us.com.org.net)
Comments:
Posted August 29, 2009, 8:27 PM:
Super-Adjunct, Dude! I got yur emails + calls. Didn’t know how 2 get back 2 u as ur livin’ like Little Truck On the Prairie or whatevs. I totally get yur concern. I probably should’ve got the ok from u b4 posting that pic + the comment about Cheryl. I’ve been tryin hard 2 get the pic off + change the content, but like u yurslf mentioned this blog program u use iz way tricky. So no luck yet. I’m gonna get this prohacker pal o mine 2 take a look. But in the meantime, I’ll paste in the disclaimer u wanted.
*THE ABOVE BLOG IZ 4 ENTERTAINMENT PURPOSES ONLY!!!*
So will this still make up my Incomplete? And wat grade r u giving me?
—Dale Monroe, dale56745@gooseeggu.us.com.org.net)
Tags: Matthew Hall, online teaching, Super Adjunct
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It’s crunch time again! The end of the semester has arrived in all its stressed-out glory—the piles of ungraded student work; the looming deadline to get in your final grades; MIA students, who show up whimpering, “If I don’t pass this class, I can’t graduate. My grandma’s coming out from Des Moines to see me walk. She’s 97! You gotta help me!”; and students who bring typed up complaints to staple to their teacher evaluations.
For all the sorrows, however, the end of the school year can also bring much joy. Not to gloat, but I’m a finalist for the 1 year full-time adjunct contract teaching position in my department here at Goose-EGG University. (My deepest consolations go out to all the losers other candidates who really didn’t have what it takes didn’t make the final round.)
Also on a personal note for my loyal readers (thanks btw for helping me get almost 14 views last month), Cheryl, my sweetie-britches, is talking with me again. Mostly it’s about a restraining order. But progress is progress!
“That’s great for you,” you might say. “But how can I keep myself from going bonkers as I slog to the academic year’s finishing line?”
I’ve been there. Heck, I’m there! Here’s a few of my secrets for surviving the final days of spring semester.
Putting the Mend Back Into the End:
1) The Stack of Ungraded Student Work:
“I’ve got a pile of 136 research papers to grade,” you say. “Each averages 25 pages in length. I don’t have the time to do a good job.” Please . . . are you one of those fuddy-duddies who insists on reading every word of every student’s final term paper? Come join the 21st century! If you like the title, then give it an A and keeping moving. (Everything else gets a B. If the student obviously plagiarized, a C is justified.)
Integrity Alert: When I tell other adjuncts about my grading system, some start blathering about integrity and how a teacher is a gatekeeper, insuring each student gets the grade she or he deserves. I agree we’re gatekeepers. Underpaid Adjunct Gatekeepers! Here’s how it works: The college takes the student’s money, you take the student’s (often illiterate, sub-par work, ie, “academic” toll), and you, the poorly paid toll-taker, give them the green light to go across the bridge. There’s a whole line of students coming after them, and the college wants to take their money. You don’t have time to dilly-dally about ethics.
2) Student Evaluations:
Some of my adjunct colleagues get very apprehensive when it comes to student evaluations. But I ask them, “Why are you worried about a herd of slobbering dunderheads in some intro level class slamming you?” “Because,” they say, “I want to get a full-time teaching job, maybe a tenure track job some day, and those evaluations can come back to haunt you.” First off, if you’re that afraid, you need to implement my grading advice. (See Above.) If everyone’s getting an A, who’ll complain? Occasionally, I’ll get some overachiever, who’ll write about how my class wasn’t challenging enough, but then Cheryl screens the evaluations for me at the department office and takes out any clinkers.
If you’re not dating the department secretary, make “the honest mistake” that you thought you were supposed to deliver the evaluations to the office this year. Take your time going through them and weed out the bad apples. (This is also helpful to see who deserves a bad final grade.)
3) Rip Van Winkles and Other Weirdo Stu’s!
Over the years, I’ve had my share of students from outer space—the kid who smeared peanut brittle in his hair and attracted a swarm of bees when I tried to have class outside, the woman who said she was my father in another life and wanted to be my lover in this one, this other woman who bred roaches and gave me one of her “babies” as a pet (See Photo Above) and on and on and on. But every year, no matter what, I get a Rip Van Winkle. Suddenly, with a week or two left, this student will wake up from under whatever rock she or he’s been snoozing and realizes, Gosh, I’m enrolled in a college class taught by Super-Adjunct. Maybe I should go and see if I’ve missed anything. This student is often shocked to learn that after not completing any of the assignments, he or she is flunking. I don’t like to give incompletes as Rip will then be a permanent burr in my butt for years to come. So what do I do? I give them the most compassionate look I can muster and say, “I’m really sorry. But for your own good, I’m failing you.”
Just kidding. I usually give them a bunch of extra busy work, and if they do it half-well, I’ll give them a C-.
(Posted, April 22, 2009, 10:36 PM, by Super-Adjunct, superadjunct@gooseeggu.us.com.org.net)
Comments:
Posted April 23, 2009, 10:27 AM:
Cheryl, got your message. I guess I wasn’t being “discreet” (“again”) in my blog. Whoops! Forgive me? —Super-Adjunct, superadjunct@gooseeggu.us.com.org.net
Posted April 24, 2009, 6:25 AM:
Dear Super-Adjunct, I thought the hiring committee would be interested in your trade secrets, so I emailed the link to this blog to each and every member. Signed, “One of the Losers”—paul1367@gooseeggu.us.com.org.net
Posted April 24, 2009, 1:47 PM:
Professor Super-Adjunct! You are a slimy, crack-toad jerk! I want Tessie C. back! And her house! (Thanks Paul for emailing me the link to this blog! You deserve a medal!) —sallyt956@gooseeggu.us.com.org.net
Posted April 25, 2009, 10:21 AM:
To Whom It May Concern: This Blog Is For Entertainment Purposes Only! (And to Sally: If I ever see Tessie C. again, I’ll give her to Paul, who deserves something better than a medal.) —Super-Adjunct, superadjunct@gooseeggu.us.com.org.net
Tags: essays, grades, student evaluations, Super Adjunct
