A photo of me and a couple of my sourpuss colleagues (I’m not
mentioning any names) at last year’s Adjunct Awards Luncheon.
Last week in the hallway near our department office, I was shocked to overhear a couple of instructors complaining about our university’s treatment of adjuncts: Unfair this, and Inequity that. These two I should note are full-time adjuncts, who both have one year contracts! Each has her own private office—well, I guess the one shares hers with those two grad students from Taiwan—but still, you get the point! Spoiled R-O-T-T-E-N! So what if their contracts are about to end? They’ve got it good, and don’t have a clue!
Goose-EGG University gives back to its adjuncts in a multitude of ways. Well, I guess only three ways. But three is better than nothing!
1) They Pay Us!
You might say it’s their legal obligation to pay us. And if you’re like those two dead wood ingrates I overheard, you’ll whine that compared to tenure track faculty, we adjuncts get compensated for only a fraction of the work we do, but what, may I ask, is a university’s primary function? To Teach! And who teaches 80% of the classes here at Goose-EGG U? The Adjuncts! What am I getting at? I’m not sure. But the check I get from Goose-EGG U is for real US backed currency, which was once backed by gold, which is now backed by . . . blind faith. And gosh darn it that should count for something!
2) Bennies Gah-lore!
It got harder to eavesdrop because the two ingrate whiners had gone into the women’s bathroom, and I had to stand out in the hallway by the door and pretend to be tying my shoe—which was kind of awkward. But I did hear the one complain, “And the benefits, if you can call them that, are dreadful.” I nearly hit the roof! At least they, these two bellyachers, get the choice to pay—what I suppose would be nearly four months of their yearly salaries before taxes—to enroll in the group health plan the university offers. I’d welcome the chance to turn down health coverage that I can’t afford. (And I’m not just saying that because I’m applying for a one year adjunct position.) I, who now teach only a few classes each semester, don’t get that choice. But am I complaining? Nosirreebob! I’m enjoying the nasty stale coffee from the department’s faculty lounge, the tiny cramped office I share with six other adjuncts, the moderately clean showers at the rec center, and now that it’s spring, our campus’ abundant FREE flowers (which I often pick for my sweetie-bunch Cheryl Cromwatters, our department’s secretary). For me, Goose-EGG U is springtime all year round!
3) The Annual—that is if they do it again this year—“You’re the Best!” Adjunct Awards Luncheon
Goose-EGG U went all out last year, getting the culinary and fine arts students to put together the Adjunct Awards Luncheon. (See Above Photo.) Some people moaned that the food was terrible and the druggie art students screwed up the awards statuettes, which in all honesty did look like things that not even a rabid cat would drag in, and yes, they all did have that odd misspell. But again, who’s complaining? Not Me! I’m thankful for whatever Goose-EGG U gives me—be it stale doughnuts and bagels, or a hunk of melted plastic with gravel stuck in it that says, “You’re the Beast!”
Summing up, Goose-EGG U cares about its adjuncts. And those two anonymous self-important whiners in my department (whose offices are on the 3rd floor of Whittaker Hall) don’t deserve to have their contracts renewed. Their jobs should go to adjuncts like, well . . . ME!!!! (Hint, Hint, Hiring Committee.)
(Posted, March 19, 2009, 8:45 PM by Super-Adjunct, Proud Adjunct at Goose-EGG University and Candidate for the One Year Full-Time Adjunct Position in the You-Know-What Department, superadjunct@gooseeggu.us.com.org.net)
Comments:
Posted March 19, 2009, 11:23 PM:
Hey Brown-noser! Good luck with the 1 year position, yo! —darylk@gooseeggu.us.com.org.net
Posted March 21, 2009, 2:33 PM:
FOR THOSE WHO WANT ME TO “CEASE AND DESIST”
To Everyone Who’s Emailed me, especially Paul Q. Fester, attorney-at-law at Fitch, Boyers and Fester and his cowardly clients, “who wish to remain anonymous”: I’m very sorry you believe I am “clearly guilty of libel” under the laws and statutes of this state. But how can I know that you know who I know I was referring to in my blog if you don’t tell me who you think I was writing about? The Truth Shall Set You Free!—Super-Adjunct, superadjunct@gooseeggu.us.com.org.net
Posted March 23, 2009, 9:36 AM:
Thank you for your email, Mr. Fester. I’ll try to get this down. But to you and all other interested parties, I’ve not had much luck in the past with this blog program.—Super-Adjunct, superadjunct@gooseeggu.us.com.org.net
Posted March 23, 2009, 8:33 PM:
Cheryl, thank you for your emails! As I’ve mentioned above, I’m having, as usual, a really hard time getting back into the text and making changes. Once I post these blogs, it’s like they’re written in freaking stone. Please know I’m doing my best to get your name off this thing. It was stupid of me to say you were my sweetie-bunch and the department secretary. Do you forgive me? (Also, did you like the flowers? I pulled them up, roots and all, from in front of the student center because I know you like to garden.)—Super-Adjunct, superadjunct@gooseeggu.us.com.org.net
