Sometimes the TRUTH hurts. (Video Stills: Derek Sebastian Ronk IV)
On New Year’s Eve, I like to spend a few of the afternoon hours alone, contemplating the past 12 months. I consider the Good Things first—like how despite numerous threats and warnings I got a contract to teach 4 classes this spring for $1435 per class (if they make)! Another Good Thing: Cheryl, my sweetie-pie extraordinaire, dropped the restraining order and said we could try to be “friends.” (I said, “What’s ‘friends’ code for?” Cheryl: “It’s not code for anything. It means friends. As in, we might be able to be friends some day.” “Hmm. I bet I know better.” “Then you’re going to be gravely mistaken.” She said this, but I could tell she wasn’t serious. I think.) After contemplating the Good Things, I turned to the Bad Things. Topping the list this year was my rodeo clown accident, the subsequent trip to the ER and hospital, and the fact I don’t have health insurance. How despite the money I made teaching some 45 online classes in the last 4 months (with 1 hand mind you), I still owe the hospital 10’s of 1,000’s of dollars. (But hey, maybe I’ll get a bailout like all those Wall Street crooks. HA HA!) Other Bad Things included the accusations of alleged slander at this blog, the threatened and pending lawsuits against me in regards to the alleged slander at this blog, and how the Vice Provost and Dean formally reprimanded me about the alleged slander at this blog. But who are they to point fingers?! Isn’t it a well-known rumor the Vice Provost and Dean allegedly covered up their alleged affair by allegedly blackmailing the Vice President about his alleged affair, which resulted in not only the alleged cover-up but also, allegedly, the Dean’s new office with its own kitchenette overloaded with the latest and most expensive culinary gadgets? (Some colleagues allegedly call our Dean the Dean of Arts and Appliances!)
As I contemplated, then wrote the above paragraph, it dawned on me like a ton of bricks or mixed similes, metaphors, whatever, that my greatest strength and power is in the pen or rather . . . keyboard! My New Year’s resolution for 2010: Be an @djunct-Warrior for the TRUTH! Or, at the very least, the alleged TRUTH! And I hope it will be your resolution too. If you encounter injustice, lies and inequity at your job, and what adjunct doesn’t, I hope you will speak out, write a blog, hold a rally, let the TRUTH reign! In fact, even if you’re not an adjunct, I would hope in the coming year ALL OF US will be advocates for the TRUTH!
So right here and now, I am calling on all the grossly overpaid administrators and tenured professors everywhere to take a TRUTHFUL look at themselves, especially their salaries. I am pleading for these colleagues to stop turning a blind eye to their adjunct brethren and sisteren. (You’re right. Sisteren is not a word, but work with me here.) Adjuncts teach 80% of the classes at my school, Goose-EGG University, and receive a sub-poverty pittance for the pleasure. Again, if the Admins and Tenureds were TRUTHFUL, they would have to admit their high wages are only possible because of adjunct teachers, who are forced (by their own choice) to live impoverished lives!
As Gandhi, or maybe Alicia Keys, said, “Be the change you want to see.” Sure, I’m going to be an @djunct-Warrior for the TRUTH by writing this blog, but I want to be TRUTHFUL in every way possible in 2010, to fully embody what I want to see happening at our university and in the world at large. I thought of all the ways I am untruthful or have been untruthful in the past. I decided I’d try my best to right the wrongs of those untruthfulnesses (not a word, but again, cut me some slack). For instance, 2 years ago, James, another adjunct and I shared a tiny office. We had arranged our desks in such a way that we could both look out the even tinier window. One day I got to the office and saw that James had shoved my desk to the side, while he’d moved his desk to hog up the entire tiny window. When I complained, James said, “Well, you’re hardly ever here. You don’t even come to your own office hours.” All of that was true. I hated being in that office because it was so freakin’ small. But it was the principle of the thing! So I wrote an anonymous letter to our Department Head about how James didn’t have his MA, had in fact flunked out as an undergrad, had forged his transcripts and other papers to get his job as an adjunct and really shouldn’t be teaching even though it was the one thing in life he truly loved (all of which he had drunkenly confessed to me at that year’s Christmas Party). I knew it was wrong, but I wrote the letter anyway. I felt really sorry that James lost his job. And what’s worse, I lied to James when he asked if I knew who had told our Department Head. So this year, I decided to clear my conscience. I’d go and confess to James in person, apologize, tell him about the letter and how it really wasn’t worth it because the very next semester we all got moved from the 3rd floor offices to the basement, which has no windows at all. (Technical Note: I am trying to keep this blog cutting edge by embedding videos, so I got my friend, Derek, who teaches math and has a video function on his cell phone to film my apology to James.) As you can see, (IN THE VIDEO STILLS ABOVE ‘CAUSE THE POLICE WON’T LET US POST THE VIDEO YET ON YOUTUBE), James didn’t exactly appreciate my apology. James has, I assure you, a surprisingly powerful right hook. I was only unconscious for 10 maybe 20 minutes, but Derek called the police. The Upshot: James said he’ll forgive me for screwing up his life if I don’t press charges for assault. So there you have it, the TRUTH wins out in the end!
PLEASE NOTE: THIS BLOG IS FOR ENTERTAINMENT PURPOSES ONLY!!!
(Posted January 8, 2010, 12:48 PM, by Super-Adjunct, superadjunct@gooseeggu.us.com.org.net)
Comments:
Posted January 12, 2010, 8:29 PM:
I NEVER said I’d forgive you. The TRUTH is I’ll never forgive you, you stupid lying worm.—James, jamesc345768@hoootmail.net.org.info.com
Posted January 12, 2010, 8:32 PM:
P. S. Please visit my new website: BoycottSuper-AdjunctThatHUGELoser!!!.com
—James, jamesc345768@hoootmail.net.org.info.com
