the above is a cartoon i got off the web. i know i am violating copyright laws since this is not an educational webpage, but a ‘for entertainment only’ blog. but cartoonists don’t mind, especially stinking rich guys like this matthew henry hall. plus, i imagine he’d love the exposure. check him out at www.matthewhenryhall.com
hey everybody, please forgive thhe lowercase and misspells. i am ritimg this with only one finger and thumb, which weren’t broken—unlike my other fingers and thumb along with both of my arms and one of my legs, my jaw, nose and several ribs—when i made a miscalculation in regards to my summer part-time job as a rodeo clown. i mean i miscalculated that the bull would go right when it and i went left and i tripped and was nearly trampled to deaTH IN FRONT OF—freaking all caps buutton—a capacity crowd of rodeo fans. I coukd not tell if the boos were for the fact the bull nearly killed me or that he wasn’t allowed to finish the job.i need to get this typed befopre the painkiller kicks in again. then i will need to grade some student work until i’m unconscious, which leads me to today’s topic—online teaching.
after my accident, and because i didn’t get an interview for the full-time 1 year adjunct position, i started to panic. i haven’t saved a whole bunch—if you’re an adfjunct you’llknow whsat i meaN. an adjunct’s got needs like everyone else–food and gas and the occasional banana-bonanza split from brice’s ice cream palace. the point is i scored a bunch of online classes to teach in order to bring in some needed income while i recuperated. now some may say teaching 36 online courses at one time is sheer madness, but if you use my ‘3 indispencible tips to surviving online teaching,’ you’ll not only survive, you’ll thrive.
super-adjunct’s 3 indispencible tips to surviving online teaching;
tip 1—USE ALLCAPS WHEN WRITING TO ANY STUDENT. I DISCOVERED THIS QUITE BY ACCIDENT. BUT THEY SEEM TO NOT WRITE ME AS MUCH WHEN I USE ALLCAPS.
tip 2—keep your responces to student emails brief. here’s some examples;
N O.
—the above works well if a student wants to turn in work late, retake a test, asks for a recommendation or pretty much anything.
RIGHT ON.
—i use the above to answer rambling emails i don’t understand or don’t have the time to read. it has the added benefit of making me sound both hip and understanding.
SORRY.
—this last one should only be used if the student is complaining in a heightened way. by complaining in a heightened way, i mean they’ve contacted your supervisor, dept head, what have you and words like ‘incompetent,’ ‘irresponsible’ and/or ‘unprofessional’ are being used to describe your noble efforts as an underpaid educator. use VERY SORRY if an ‘early’ or ‘emergency’ termination of your contract is being discussed.
tip 3—‘don’t think twice. it’s all right.’ bob dylan was right. whatever you do, DON’T OVERTHINK anything. in fact, if i were to rewrite dylan’s famous line, i’d say ‘don’t think AT ALL. it’s all right.’
hope that helps some. please note i am not responsible if you take my advice and it doesn’t work out. SORRY. this blog is for entertainment purposes ONLY.
Posted August 13, 2009, 11:23 AM, by Super-Adjunct, superadjunct@gooseeggu.us.com.org.net)
Comments:
Posted August 29, 2009, 8:27 PM:
Dear Sir or Madam:
My name is Matthew Henry Hall, and it has come to my attention that you are knowingly using my cartoon in violation of applicable copyright laws. Beyond that fact that, I often grant permission for these purposes (sometimes for free, sometimes for a nominal fee, sometimes for much more, depending on the specific circumstance), I need to make the point that I am in no way one of the “stinking rich guys” you mention. I used to be an adjunct teacher like yourself, and now I do make a tiny bit more money as a cartoonist than I did when teaching. But believe me it is still often a struggle to make ends meet. And when someone like yourself knowingly takes and uses my work without first asking my permission, I feel, as many adjuncts often feel in terms of their time and efforts, robbed. At the very least, I would like some sort of public acknowledgment and apology on your part. And if you can’t do that, please take my cartoon off your blog. Thank you in advance for your quick attention to this matter.
Yours,
Matthew Henry Hall (stumpystars@matthewhenryhall.com)
Posted August 30, 2009, 11:56 AM:
RIGHT ON.
Super-Adjunct, superadjunct@gooseeggu.us.com.org.net
Posted August 30, 2009, 2:14 PM:
Right on? Is that all you have to say? Really?
Matthew Henry Hall (stumpystars@matthewhenryhall.com)
Posted April 31, 2009, 5:38 AM:
N O.
Super-Adjunct, superadjunct@gooseeggu.us.com.org.net
Posted April 31, 2009, 10:33 AM:
Dear Super-Adjunct,
My client, Matthew Henry Hall, requested I write to you on his behalf and urge you to “CEASE AND DESIST” in regards to the posting of his cartoon, “Teaching Online.” You are in violation of current copyright law, which may result in a heavy fine and up to five years in prison. If within forty-eight hours, you’ve not complied with the above, I will be filing formal charges against you.
Sincerely,
D. R. Black, Attorney at Law, Black, Black & Sloan, drblack@bbslaw23.org
Posted August 1, 2009, 3:17 PM:
VERY SORRY.
Super-Adjunct, superadjunct@gooseeggu.us.com.org.net
August 30th, 2009 at 11:16 am
I thought that the exchange between the Adjunct and the cartoonist was very unprofessional! The Adjunct knew that he was violating the copyright law and did it anyway… What is he trying to teach new Adjuncts and Online Professors, to actually shirk their duty somewhat with these stupid responses supposedly to be used with students? As a person who took all my graduate courses online for a fortune, I would never let an instructor get away with these responses you post here. Why would you not try to address the issue instead of brushing students off which is exactly what you do seemingly without abandon? I understand the need to be brief sometimes with students but having taught online for the University of Phoenix and Western International University they would neve allow that due to the retention obligations that Online Professors at these two universities have to fulfill! I had a lot of students threatening and being just plain ole mean and I was never allowed to even respond in a negative way. Perhaps it is because of my race, I don’t know for sure, but others sure talked a lot like you during faculty meetins and they got away with it! It will always be a mystery to me that good professors are usually drummed out for requiring students to do their best and then there are professors like you who couldn’t give a flying fig about the students and are generally promoted instead of being let go. It is good that you left and started doing something you loved instead. Peace