There are those adjuncts who just always seem to land on their feet (or better yet, with the exact number of courses they want always at the prime hours of the day). Brian is one of them, and shows how the adjunct life can be lived large.
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11 May 2010 / teaching
Tags: Matthew Henry Hall, Super Adjunct, teaching
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02 Apr 2010 / teaching
There are those adjuncts who just always seem to land on their feet (or better yet, with the exact number of courses they want always at the prime hours of the day). Brian is one of them.
Tags: Matthew Henry Hall, Super Adjunct
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12 Feb 2010 / Uncategorized
Super-Adjunct? Or Cupid? (Photo: The Empty Nest’s “Campus Police Beat,” Feb. 11, 2010)
Attention: Ladies! Super-Adjunct is Back On the Love-Market!!! That’s right. Cheryl C. dumped me again! (Of course, she’ll say she wasn’t going out with me. That after dropping the restraining order, she talked to me only because it was part of her job as the department office’s secretary. Whatevs as my students might say.) The Positive Spin: I am footloose and fancy-FREE this Valentine’s Season! To celebrate, I’ve titled this month’s advice column/blog, “How To Be an Adjunct Love-Magnet,” or 4 Full-Proof Adjunct Love-Lessons on How to Win Hearts and Find Your Soul-Mate! Let’s get started, shall we?
Adjunct Love-Lesson #1: Go to Where the Action Is—The Faculty Senate!
Aim Higher!!! Why go out with say an ungrateful department office secretary (whose initials are C. C.) or another adjunct for that matter when you could be dating some real money! Seriously, the Faculty Senate, is a great place to strike up conversations with potential, financially advantageous, love-matches! If you hooked up with a tenured professor and wedding bells rang, you’d get to share not only their salaries, but their benefits too! Imagine, instead of sweating, freezing, and moaning yourself through a bad flu in the camper-shell of your pickup, you could be indoors, in a real bed, taking prescribed antibiotics—for FREE! As John Lennon sang, “I know I’m a dreamer, but I’m not the only one.”
Adjunct Love-Lesson #2: Organize a “Will You Be My Adjunct?” Valentine Dance! Okay, maybe you feel better, safer, mingling with your own as it were. So why not organize an Adjunct Valentine Dance? You might answer: “Where would we have it? Who’d pay for the DJ, the refreshments, and all that? And do you really think anyone would show up?” Boy, you’re quite the downer, aren’t you? But a lack of lovin’ will do that to a person. First off, have it at the school. Push the desks aside in a classroom, and voila, you’ve got yourself a dance floor. Get your Department Head involved. They love these kinds of things and may even spring for soda and chips. You don’t need a DJ. I used my Talking Elephant Tape Recorder (a dollar bargain at GoodWill) and played my Neil Diamond tapes at last year’s adjunct dance! Everybody LOVED it! (All 5 of us!) With only a little effort, you too could be dancing to a plastic elephant singing Neil Diamond singing “Turn on your heartlight,” and never once want to phone home.
Adjunct Love-Lesson #3: Cyber-presence, Baby!
You need to get the word out you’re eligible and ready for romance! Create a blog, featuring yourself and how cool you are, just like I’m doing with this very blog. Then, email the link to all eligible love interests. If you don’t want to create a blog, simply send out an “I’m in the Mood for Love” mass-emailing. Don’t fret over the list. Email it to everyone in your address book. People get plenty of spam and delete it without a thought. Trust me! Here’s a few responses I received from my “Attention Ladies, I’m Free! Want to take me out to dinner?” mass email:
“PLEASE TAKE ME OFF YOUR EMAIL LIST!”
“LOL!”
“I warned you. The restraining order’s back on!”
Sure, I didn’t get a dinner out of it, but the word is out on the streets. (And someone did stick half a bag of Cheetos into my mailbox with a note, “Hey Loser! Dinner’s on me!”)
Adjunct Love-Lesson #4: Woo with Gusto!
Get Old-Fashioned. Give out real handmade Valentines—a tip I mentioned in my blog from last February, “Love on a Budget: Five Simple and Dirt Cheap Ways to Woo.” (Click Here To Realize There’s No Link And That You’ll Have To Scroll Down To Find the Old Blog.) Don’t give out your Valentines shyly—sticking heart-shaped construction paper into someone’s mailbox. Do it with flair, personality and real arrows! Dressing up like Cupid made quite an impression this year when I hand-delivered my early-bird Valentines! (SEE PHOTO ABOVE.) A student reporter and photographer from Goose-EGG U’s The Empty Nest came by for a photo-op. They arrived right before the campus police took me in for “indecent exposure.” It’s a bum rap which won’t stick my PolySci adjunct-friend assured me—as I was wearing some strategically placed clothing. In any case, this Valentine’s Season, I made lasting memories! How will you make yours?
PLEASE NOTE: THIS BLOG IS FOR ENTERTAINMENT PURPOSES ONLY!!!
(Posted February 12, 2010, 9:23 AM, by Super-Adjunct, superadjunct@gooseeggu.us.com.org.net)
0 Comments:
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15 Dec 2009 / pay
Watch out Goose-EGG University (i.e., Overpaid Administrators)! The APEs—Adjuncts for Pay Equity—are coming for our backpay!!! The above is a photo from our first APEs meeting taken by Cheryl Cromwatters.“I want my two dollars!” the paperboy demanded in the film, Better Off Dead. Well, I want my money too! And it’s a lot more than two dollars!!! I used to think getting a fair paycheck for my work as an adjunct was an impossible dream. Not anymore!!!
News Flash: The Lilly Ledbetter Fair Pay Act of 2009 was signed into law by President Barack Obama on January 29, 2009! Sure, that was months and months and months ago. But I just heard about it a few weeks back, and that’s all I’ve been thinking about. I’ve read over the actual words, the law, and it’s, well . . . the truth is I couldn’t make heads or tails of it. But my friend, Z, the new anarchist adjunct-guy, who teaches history, said it means “adjuncts everywhere can file independent or class action lawsuits against their universities for FAIR PAY and damages.” Z’s not a lawyer, mind you, but he once met Nina Totenberg, the NPR correspondent for Supreme Court cases.
The Skinny: If you (an adjunct) can prove you do the same work as your counterparts (tenured faculty), but are not compensated the same as these counterparts (again, tenured faculty), you have the legal right to sue for backpay and damages, according to Z. “The hitch,” Z said, “is lawyers are expensive. Lawsuits can last a longtime. And adjuncts, we, the people, need to keep making a living. There’s no way it’ll work. If you . . . .” I tuned Z out at this point. He’s a good source of information, but kindofa Gloomy Gus. Sure, lawyers can be expensive. But 70 to 80 percent of all the classes taught at Goose-EGG U are taught by contingent faculty. All I’d have to do is round up the troops, get a few donations, and voila—lawyer, lawsuit, backpay!
The Real Hitch: When I asked my fellow-adjuncts, “Want to get backpay for all your previous work as an adjunct,” everyone responded positively. But when it came to actually donating money or time to the cause, it’s been, well, a little slow. Some said the timing for a lawsuit was off due to the economic downturn, how Goose-EGG U is struggling to simply stay afloat. Others didn’t like the name, “Adjuncts for Pay Equity” or “APEs.” Dorey Simms said it sounded like “wild beasts, or wanting guerilla warfare.” I told her it was an easy to remember acronym. She said, “You’re an idiot.” Despite the jeering, I persevered. I even found a lawyer, who teaches a Poli-Sci class here at Goose-EGG U, but when I emailed him, asking him if he’d represent us pro bono, he wrote back, “LOL! Wow, that’s great. I’m fwding your joke-email 2 a few buddies. Thanks!”
Class Action War Now: Even with all the naysayers, balkers and Z-ish clouds of doom, 45 or so adjuncts said they’d “for sure, absolutely show up” for our first meeting. And 3 of them actually did (not including myself)!!! (SEE ABOVE PHOTO.) Three! That’s a start!!! The 3 included Z, which was a surprise. But I think he was really just there for the donuts. True to form, Z said, “I told you so,” when someone suggested we call ourselves the “Anonymous Adjuncts for Pay Equity.” He said, “I told you so,” again when no one wanted their picture taken or have their name mentioned in this blog, or anywhere else. I think he was about to say it one more time when no one would pony up any money for the cause, but his mouth was full. In spite of all the obstacles, WE ARE NOT GIVING UP!!! If you, dear blog-reader, are interested in joining or helping in any way our campaign to sue Goose-EGG University, please send me an email care of: superadjunct@gooseeggu.us.com.org.net
Thank You! The Sue is on!
(Posted September 27, 2009, 2009, 1:23 PM, by Super-Adjunct, superadjunct@gooseeggu.us.com.org.net)
Comments:
Posted September 29, 2009, 6:17 AM:
In spite of my requests that Super-Adjunct not mention or refer to me in his blog, I see he has anyway. (Poor form, my friend.) I need then to announce publicly, I do not support Super-Adjunct and The Adjuncts for Pay Equity’s ill-conceived and pathetic plans to sue Goose-EGG University. I attended the meeting and gave Super-Adjunct information about the Lilly Ledbetter Fair Pay Act as a disinterested third party. If there’s another “APE” meeting, I will surely not attend. (If there is, however, grub leftover, please wrap it up and leave it in the adjunct faculty fridge with my name on it.) Thanks.—Zeke “Z” Stevensoninksi, zekestevensoninksi@gooseeggu.us.com.org.net
Posted September 29, 2009, 3:33 PM:
TO WHOM IT MAY CONCERN, BUT ESPECIALLY THE DEAN OF ARTS AND SCIENCE: CHERYL CROMWATTERS WAS IN NO WAY A PART OF THE ADJUNCTS FOR PAY EQUITY MEETING. SHE HAPPENED TO BE WALKING BY THE EMPTY CLASSROOM WHEN I SAID, “CHERYL, HEY! TAKE A PICTURE OF US WITH YOUR CELL PHONE!” SHE SAID SHE WAS IN A RUSH, BUT TOOK THE PHOTO, WONDERING ALOUD WHY EVERYONE WAS SO CAMERA-SHY. SHE TOLD ME SHE’D EMAIL ME THE PHOTO AND TOOK OFF. NOT UNTIL MUCH LATER DID I TELL HER IT WAS A MEETING ABOUT SUING THE UNIVERSITY. SHE WAS, SHE SAID, “APPALLED.” SHE SAID BOTH I AND THE ACRONYM WERE IDIOTIC. SHE FORBADE ME TO USE THE PICTURE SHE’D SENT VIA EMAIL, BUT I DID ANYWAY BECAUSE I’M, TO USE HER WORDS, “A DOUBLE-CROSSING LOUSE-SNAKE!” (I TOLD HER LATER THERE ARE NO SUCH REPTILES OR INSECTS, BUT SHE SAID, “JUST LOOK IN THE MIRROR, BUSTER!”) I HOPE THIS POST MAKES UP FOR ANY DAMAGES, AND SHE’S STILL UP FOR TAKING ME TO LUNCH ON FRIDAY!—Super-Adjunct, superadjunct@gooseeggu.us.com.org.net
